“independence” is one of the main conflicts between parents and children

A sense of adulthood – the primary tumor of adolescence.

     From the outside the teenager changes nothing: studying in the same school (unless, of course, parents are suddenly transferred to another), living in the same family. All in the family the child is treated as “small”. Much he does himself, and many do not allow parents, which still have to obey. Parents fed, watered, clothed their child, and for the good (from their point of view) behavior, and may even “reward (again, at their discretion). Real adulthood is far away, but want! Change they yet have nothing, but apparently imitate adults. Hence there appear the attributes of “pseudotranslate”: Smoking cigarettes, hanging out at the entrance, a trip outside the city (external manifestation “I also have my personal life”). Copying any relationship. For example, if the family do not respect any of its members, it will also do the son (daughter). And no words like “Elders must be respected!” will not help. The child will simply reflect, as a mirror, as Your relationship problems. If (God forbid!) in families with a child cursing, then he will swear the same to You, using Your own words. But still wonder: “Why can You and not for me? Because I’m an adult!”

But in the copy relationship is a positive thing. Because external copying adult relationships is a kind of a busting roles, games that occur in life. You have the option of adolescent socialization. And where else can you practice in your family? Perhaps You have noticed how often the teenager changes his behavior today, is kind and gentle, tomorrow – mannered, and next week – hooligan “as a neighbor’s Vova”. One of the Teens entering life marked in a variety of ways (driving the household to insanity). Some, on the contrary, is expressed in caring for others.

The appearance of a teenager is another source of conflict. Changing your gait, manners, appearance. A kind of social mimicry in the teenage environment. Thus the adolescents expressed the need for security. Not to stand out among the others, otherwise you will be laughed at. And kids can be very cruel to not like the others.

     Internally, the following happens. The teenager appears has its own position. He considers himself to have enough adults and treated as adults. This is manifested in the following:

1. Wish that all (teachers, parents) treated him like an equal, an adult. But it will not confuse, what rights it requires more than taking on responsibilities. And be responsible for something the teenager is not willing (except in words).

2. The desire for independence. And according to this monitoring and assistance is rejected. Increasingly, the teenager can be heard: “I know!” (This so reminds malyshovom “I do!”). And parents have to accept and try to teach their children responsible for their actions. It is useful to them through life. Unfortunately, such “independence” is one of the main conflicts between parents and children at this age.

3. The emergence of own tastes and opinions, evaluations, line of conduct (the most striking is the appearance of addiction to certain kinds of music). We must remember that our children want to grow up quickly, and also different from us, parents. And have “your” mistakes that we once did ourselves. But who believes a word? Times are changing rapidly. And with them our children. What was in fashion at one time, considered to be “retro” to another, learn more on international adoption at adoption agencies blog. This also applies to attitudes, and behavior, and other things. Each generation in its own way expresses the belonging to his own time. Try to understand their children. To listen their point of view and arguments. You may not entirely agree with them. But it will be another opportunity for you to teach them how to defend their opinion, competent to argue. But if they will be able to defend your position, is that so bad?

4. Compliance with the moral code of mateship, which is the same everywhere, and from a culture and country. The code is expressed in a clear style of behavior towards peers provided for the post by International Adoption research blogger and columnist. But it is important in a relationship are:

– mutual support

– assist in

– emotional comfort in communication

– confidentiality

– you cannot criticize

– you cannot teach

– not jealous

– respect the internal world of another

With those who do not respect these rules of the Association, can be very cruel. They may be “rejected” all and suffer persecution.

6 thoughts on ““independence” is one of the main conflicts between parents and children

  1. The results of the study indicate a relatively small percentage of adolescents who have highly developed creative imagination, is important for the development of a positive self-concept.
    The lack of creative imagination and low significance needs creativity in adolescents indicates low and medium active-transformational, constructive nature of the process of formation of self-concept. As they grow older the percentage of metaphorical image of yourself increases, therefore, raising the level of the creative and productive nature of the process of formation of self-concept in the system of the spiritual needs of adolescents.
    Discovered that the dynamics of changes in self-concept of the individual begins with changing the attitude towards themselves and the outside world, which serves as the impetus for the shift components all interdependent and multi-level systems. With the rise of conflicts in the structure of self-image is disturbed, the stability disappears the internal consistency of the model elements of self-concept, there is a “loss of itself”, there is a mental tension. The process of change, which either goes the way of simplification, or by the way of complication of the content of self-concept, completes the conversion of its entire structure.
    It is established that the main source of transformation of self-concept are natural (brain, body), psychological (consciousness, self-consciousness, the psychological “protection”, experience), and social (culture and society) factors. Developing self-concept affects how a person perceives reality and interacts with whom. It affects motivation, self-confidence, self-esteem, self-efficacy, self-disclosure and samprajanya personality.
    Thus, self-concept provides the internal coherence and personal fulfillment, the satisfaction with life; regulates emotional state, interpret the experience. Acts as the backbone of the subjective world of the individual occurs through interaction with the environment. Self-concept is involved in maintaining a stable systems of social stratification. Reveals the content of micro-social processes and interpersonal mechanisms of adaptation and disadaptation. Develops in the process of self-actualization throughout life.
    The foregoing allows us to note that the process of formation of self-concept of adolescents in conditions of rapid social change characterized by an aggravation of contradictions between: strongly formed views and beliefs, mastered moral norms in adolescents and entry into the tough world of adult relationships; breaking daily dose of information on adolescents and their low readiness for its critical selection carried out at the level of direct trust from its sources; Distributed mass culture focused on standardization of feelings, thinking and adolescents limited meet highly-humane spiritual needs; the essence of the Age of solidarity, equality and adolescents ‘ social stratification among adolescents; increasing need practice in a positive change of self-concept of adolescents to the humanistic orientation of educational activities and the absence of the necessary conditions of their realization.
    Comparative matched analysis of practice of formation of self-concept of teenagers showed a pronounced tendency to an individual achieve a particular goal; spasmodic character of age dynamics of the formation of self-concept and levels of personal-role reflection; the instability, the mobility of self-esteem; a sharp increase with age factor of socio-psychological adaptability, openness, practice, activities and relationships; increase as they grow in self-descriptions of the categories of personal characteristics, attitude, family ties and family relations, relations to the opposite sex, Hobbies and interests, social contacts; low significance needs in search of the meaning of life, self-affirmation, positive evaluation, creativity, self-education, self-realization.
    It is possible to formulate the following conclusions: in conditions of rapid social changes adolescents of the modern Russian society have different views than before and spiritual needs, which constitute the philosophical and moral aspect of the content of their self-concept.

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  2. Most children realize that they are irritable and gloomy, when everything is against them, and seek to mitigate this situation, although many feel unable to control your reactions. Appearance and health are components of the relationship of the teenager to him.
    Analysis essays “I have in the past, present and future” shows that as they grow older become more significant categories of personal characteristics, attitude, family ties, family relations and relations to the opposite sex, Hobbies and interests, social contacts. Markedly the influence of parents on the formation of self-concept of adolescents in the Junior school age. The girl often touch the topic of relationships with the opposite sex, topics, family, and boys expressed a clear preference Hobbies and interests. But the priority for all category was the one which includes list of advantages and disadvantages. Describing itself, the boys are called first and foremost a moral quality, indicating attitude to other people, and girls – emotional features.
    Noticeable similarities of boys and girls adolescence in the tendency to the self. Girls more than boys, tend to give yourself a generalized rating, to indicate attitude to yourself, to emphasize the pursuit of self-reflection (“maybe I’ll be lonely”, “very amorous”, “I’m not like all, I am an optimist”).
    Important for girls and boys is the theme of family predominant the disclosure of which is given through the indication of family ties. Rare statements that convey the climate in the family and an assessment of the relationship in it. The last judgment peculiar only to the self-descriptions of girls. Feature works girls is the inclusion of family perspectives (“in 25 years, probably get married, have a baby”, “my husband will be my only man in my life”).
    Attitude to life teenagers Express in their writings in a generalized form (” I want life to take all, I try to take everything from life”, “life after school”, “the joy of being and good mood in life”).
    Dating frustration, pessimism towards life. Overall in judgments of adolescents present a positive Outlook for their future, faith in him and expectation of execution of plans and achieve goals.
    The results of the study show that adolescents are fundamentally different, with their views and spiritual needs. They are distinguished by greater openness, but most “grounded” needs. At modern children, there is clearly striving for individuality, the assertion of purpose. Many teenagers are not going to build your life in accordance with certain rules, only want to adapt to the circumstances.
    Analysis of the verbal products of adolescents allows us to highlight some peculiarities of the process of formation of self-concept, which is constantly enriched with certain content. This is evidenced by the content of self-descriptions of adolescents, reflecting their consciousness. As they grow older it becomes more Mature, and in shape more consistent and coherent. In the process of formation of self-concept adolescents of concern to identify the following priorities: my personality, my relationship with others, my family, needs, Hobbies, interests, favorite activities, my work and profession. the study clearly showed the influence of socio-economic and spiritual-moral situation in the country on the changing socio-psychological content of self-concept. Impact is a strong desire for individuality in achieving the goal and in the expression of dissatisfaction with the present and future.
    Analysis of additional psychological information about the individual peculiarities of formation of self-concept reveals that only 6.6% of respondents portray themselves metaphorically. This indicates a well-developed imagination imagination, creativity, a positive influence on the process of formation of a positive self-concept. 51,6% realistic face – full face, 26.6 per cent – the realist image in full growth, 20% – realistic image in the form of a bust, 1,6% – portrait in the interior, a 3.3% – realistic image of a person in profile.

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  3. The study showed that the majority (78,4%) of respondents adequate critical and self-critical assessment. And only 21.6% of adolescents – the effect of inadequacy. Therefore, most of the teenagers develops a real relationship to itself and to the outside world, the Teens are determined in their desire to change their self-concept. In turn, the effect of inadequacy prevents the formation of a positive self-concept of adolescents.
    The analysis of socio-psychological adaptation of teenagers reveals that with age occurs a stepwise increase in the coefficient of adaptability, openness, actual practice activities and relationships. Moreover, girls are significantly more adapted than boys. This confirms our assumption about the importance of experience for the formation of self-concept of personality.
    In the process of formation of self-concept and adaptation to new conditions adolescents are aware of the need to take into account the opinions of others and experience relationships. The process of formation of self-concept in adolescents include sex and age regularities of the formation of perceptions and attitudes of masculinity – femininity and determined by the laws of assimilation and of appropriation, interiorization existing in society sex-role stereotypes, manifested in direct human behavior.
    This is confirmed by our empirical data. High-quality processing understanding the peculiarities of value attitude of adolescents shows that they are not indifferent to the attitude of others. Moreover, the system of relations includes relations to parents, friends and peers, opposite sex, school, moral views, yourself.
    Representation of relations of teenagers to reflect a desire: boys to study well, to admit the girl in love, steal a motorcycle, become an identity; the girls – to love others, to be a good wife, to secure the future.
    In the category of weaknesses of personality were kindness, love, criticism. There is a negative trend in attitude toward school. Core values for adolescents are: a good job, a car, a dacha, a house in the capital, a beautiful wife, husband. Adolescents attitude to the future are inconsistent – from beautiful to dark. Although about the past they remember with fondness. Only 1% of teenagers are trying to change the situation, not to get discouraged when you aren’t lucky.
    Processing of the results of the survey adolescents about the values of the relationship indicates “grounded” values of the subjects. It is important for them that others think about them, they don’t care about the impression they make on others.

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  4. Installed age dynamics of the formation of self-concept in the system of the spiritual needs of adolescents. The results of the research identified a relatively high percentage of adolescents with a medium level of satisfaction of spiritual needs. The data indicate that 2% of the respondents have low and 46.7% of the average level of formation of self-concept in the system of spiritual needs. Note that the number of low, high and very high levels of formation of self-concept are the level of claims on the change in the satisfaction of spiritual needs. Empirical data show that the process of formation of self-concept in the system of the spiritual needs of adolescents remains uneven.
    The study was studied the age dynamics of personality-the role of reflection adolescents and identified its levels.
    Low I-reflexive in adolescents up to 12 years to increase the number of subjects with this level of reflection. To 15 years stabilized and is the same number of teenagers as 10 years. In adolescents with a medium level of reflection decreases in the number of 11-12 years, and 13-15 years – is increasing. The number of adolescents with the highest level I-reflective with age does not change. 63.3% of adolescents have average level I-reflective.
    Analysis of age dynamics of reflection as a teenager yourself as a participant in the activities of the group indicates an increase in the number of subjects with a medium level of reflection, with 66.7%. There is a reduction in the number of teenagers with a high level of reflection and reaches 13.3 per cent. Age dynamics levels I-reflexive in adolescents also has a spasmodic character. The results of the age dynamics of the impact of valuation effects on the formation of self-evaluation, needs assessment in a positive and appropriate critical evaluation in adolescents showed that 63.4% of adolescents are equally important and the evaluation of other, and self-esteem. Moreover, in adolescents 12 years of age is more important than the last, but important both in 14-15. Great satisfaction experienced by the adolescents, when they are estimated correctly(78,4%) and when overrated (20%), and worry if they underestimate. This is true for boys and girls. Therefore, in the complex and lengthy process of becoming self-concept of adolescents reflects a qualitative change in its structure, and the evaluation of the other could radically change the attitude.
    As you can see, in the process of formation of self-concept in adolescents self-esteem is unstable, mobile and contradictory. In 12-13 years, a period of closeness; for the respondents evaluation of others is not important. This is evidenced by our empirical data.

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  5. Self-concept – internal, existential core of the individual; the product of the reflection system of relations of the individual to himself and to the outside world. the element of personal education, which are consistent with all the actions, emotions, feelings, actions, behavior, psychological health and success in practice. Is the authorizing mechanism for the relation of personality to yourself and the outside world. Is formed according to the laws of logic-verbal thinking. It links quality with respect to itself and the outside world in the past, present and future. Partially exists and in the sphere of the unconscious.
    The model of self-concept is a dynamic, relatively stable, multi-channel and multi-faced, emotionally-evaluative, hierarchical system. Its structure brings together components of consciousness, self-awareness, relationships and sootnoshenii, samosoznaniia. The interaction spheres of the conscious and the unconscious is connected with the system of psychological protection that exists at the subconscious level of the unconscious. The result is the image I (system perception), integrating dynamic interaction of the I-real, I-ideal and I is fantastic.
    The study of the real process of formation of self-concept of modern teenagers, revealing his typical and the most significant contradictions were carried out with use of complex of methods: a modified method of T. V. Dembo – C. J. Rubinstein, personal-role reflection, identification of age dynamics of the impact of valuation effects on the formation of self-evaluation, needs assessment in a positive and appropriate critical and self-critical adolescents at A. I. Lipkin and A. L. Fisher; the scale of socio-psychological adaptation K. Rogers; the method of “final sentences” Sachs and Sydney; the essay “I have in the past, present and future”; graphic methods “self-Portrait”, “landscape of my childhood”, “the Flower that I like”, “Favorite toys of childhood”, “the Animal that I like”. Data processing was performed using the methods of statistical analysis of the data with their subsequent psychological interpretation, determine the value of the average assessment. Sample psychological research using the above sets of diagnostic methods was 60 adolescents of secondary school No. 450 of Moscow.
    Implementation of psychodiagnostic research program of the process of formation of self-concept of adolescents allowed to identify age-related dynamics of the significance of spiritual needs for Teens. The most important were: the need for achievement, moral needs, labour demand, cognitive demand, the need for well-being and freedom. The least important needs: postah the meaning of life, self-upbringing, self-affirmation, a positive assessment in the works. The importance of achievement needs increases dramatically in adolescents in 11 years and remained stable at a high level in during the whole of adolescence. The moral importance of needs, labour demand, communication, on the contrary, drops sharply to 11-12, and then reaches a higher level to 14-15 years.
    There is a tendency to “zazemlenie” needs. 25% of respondents do not attach importance to the needs for finding meaning in life and in art, are limited to the achievement of their personal goals, personal well-being and do not bother issues of self-assertion, self-education.

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  6. Many aspects of self-concept are the objects of interdisciplinary areas of Humanities and natural Sciences. In scientific literature there are different approaches to the study of self-concept. This is on the one hand, helps identify its various components, and with another – complicates certain specific content of this concept. It should be noted that in the psychological literature there is no single interpretation of the concept “self-concept”. Still not developed a holistic, explanatory and descriptive term that adequately reveal the socio-psychological content of the phenomenon of the self-concept in various branches of scientific knowledge. The lack of common terminology hinders the development of diverse and valid diagnostic instruments.
    After examining different points of view of scientists on the concept of “consciousness”, “consciousness”, “unconscious”, “self-concept” and “image I” it should be emphasized that there are many views and suggestions to identify the nature and dynamics of self-concept, its essential characteristics and to distinguish between the concepts associated with the phenomenon.
    The existence of self-concept as an independent system does not mean its sharp separation from other systems of the psyche. B. F. Lomov (19820 convincingly notes that “mental phenomena needed a universal relationship of phenomena in the material world, and only opens the path to cognition of governors or objective laws”.
    Therefore, in the structure of self-concept reflected the necessary relationship of mutual influence between individual psychological phenomena and between psychology with other systems, providing optimal and positive personality.

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